


buried in broken dreams

by dangerouspassions



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, basically an extension of 2x15, this is sad lmao sorry but it ends nicely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 19:54:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11470548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dangerouspassions/pseuds/dangerouspassions
Summary: Magnus figures he’s going to have to tell Alec eventually. Tell him who really is, what’s he’s done; the truth about him.It goes nothing like he expected. He expected shock, disgust, outrage, even silence. A part of him expected Alec to walk away and never come back. Magnus knows that’s what all the others have done at one point or another after learning who he truly is.What he didn’t expect was for Alec to cradle his face and tell him there’s nothing ugly about who he is, then wrap his arms around him.





	buried in broken dreams

**Author's Note:**

> i have arisen from the dead of writer's block!! i was in a Mood when i wrote this (a Sad Mood), but my mood turned around and i ended it happily?? brains dudes, they work in weird ways. anywho, this is basically something alike to what i think and wish would've happened in 2x15 (that scene was way too short, but who am i to judge).
> 
> this is me getting back on the writing horse after like, a year or so, so sorry if it's a bit rough. enjoy!
> 
> (yes the title is a lyric from the other side by ruelle bc i'm bitter)

It eats away at him.

It takes and takes and takes until he’s almost at his breaking point. It’s nothing like when he stood on that bridge way back when, contemplating ending it all - but it’s bad. Every moment of happiness, every moment of light in his life as of late - most of which, consequently, have been filled with laughs and touches and love from Alec - are overshadowed by the weight of the words he’s always carried around with him. _Monster, abomination, demon... evil._

His stepfather’s words replay in his mind almost every minute he’s awake, like a constant loop, never-ending. The slightest reprieve he has comes in the form of a gentle, loving Alec. He’s there, which is more than Magnus has had in the past. He spends more time at the loft lately, as if he somehow can sense that’s what Magnus needs.

What Magnus needs is to forget. He’s stuck in a trap of self-loathing and hatred that he had forgotten quite successfully for quite some time. It’s like his mind won’t let him forget. At this point, he’s numb. And he’s finding out he’s not as good at hiding it as he thought he was.

“Are you okay?” Alec asks him, the day after he’s put back in his own body.

He doesn’t know how Alec can see through the act he’s putting on, but he reassures him that he’s fine. The last thing he wants to do is be more of a burden on anyone. Memories of his mother, keris sticking out of her chest, resurface as he thinks about the likes of being a burden. No, he certainly does not want Alec to have to deal with this.

The next week passes in a blur. Dot visits him, still worried about him, as she is one of his oldest friends and has always been able to tell when something is off with him. He tells her it’s stress from dealing with Valentine. Technically, he’s not lying.

He knows that Alec can sense something is off; he’s perceptive like that. Magnus is there, is present, but at the same time he’s not. More than once Alec has caught him staring off into space, only responding after multiple calls of his name.

He tries to act normal, and for the most part he thinks he does an okay job. It’s not as if he’s having a problem being around Alec. If anything, he makes everything easier. It’s easy for him to just be with Alec, to just touch Alec and forget the workings of his mind. And Alec is there, gentle caresses and sweet words as always. The normalcy of it all eases Magnus’ heart ever so slightly.

For whatever reason, the memories hit him all at once one morning. He’s sitting at his vanity, hoping that the familiar act of applying his eyeliner will ground him. Alec is still in his bed, sleeping against the red satin sheets he likes so much. He’s lost track of how many mornings he’s left Alec sleeping alone in bed, too caught up in his thoughts to even hope for decent sleep. There’s no doubt that Alec’s noticed, since they usually wake up together, but thankfully he hasn’t spoken up about it yet.

The keris sitting on one of his shelves in the corner catches his eye, and everything floods in. Walking into his mother’s room, finding her under that sheet, his stepfather walking in. The blame, the horrible names, the shock and disgust, and ultimately, the light leaving the man’s eyes.

The only thing to break him from his trance is Alec calling out to him.

Even now, he feels a small smile tugging at his lips at the sight of Alec’s bedhead and sleepy expression. He tries not to let it fade as Alec voices his worries about him again. He knows he can only push Alec away for so long. Alec, in the time that they’ve been dating, has become quite skilled at being in tune to Magnus’ feelings, and there’s only so long he’s going to let Magnus keep deflecting.

He feels added guilt, lying to Alec like this. The weight of it all bears on his shoulders, and it gets heavier with each proclamation that he’s fine, that nothing is wrong. Alec leaves with a short press of his lips to his own, something of a ritual for them these days. The loft is empty again, and so is Magnus.

He spends the rest of his day doing, quite frankly, nothing. He drinks, which is not unusual for him these past few days. The slight burn of the alcohol going down his throat eases his mind and numbs his soul, even if only slightly.

Alec comes back later on, his voice once again breaking him out of his stupor. He tells Magnus of Valentine’s relocation, which Magnus is actually happy about.

Something he’ll never get used to is Alec telling him he loves him, especially when he keeps telling him when he least expects it. He knows by now that Alec loves him, but he’ll never grow tired of hearing him say the words. Something else he’ll never get used to is Alec’s perseverance and drive in making sure Magnus is okay, mentally and physically.

So he tells Magnus he loves him. And he tells Magnus he knows something is wrong. And he tells Magnus that he’s there for him, whatever it is.

The staggering feeling it all sends to Magnus’ heart only makes him pause for a second before he reassures Alec, once again, although less convincing this time around. Alec, as usual, sees right through it and tells him he’s not leaving until they talk about it.

He has to give Alec credit. Most people wouldn’t be so persistent, and they haven’t been in Magnus’ experience. It’s at this point that Magnus figures he’s going to have to tell Alec eventually. Tell him who really is, what’s he’s done; the truth about him.

He sits and tells Alec through angry and guilt ridden tears what happened to his stepfather. What he did to him, and the truth about what Magnus really is.

It goes nothing like he expected. He expected shock, disgust, outrage, even silence. A part of him expected Alec to walk away and never come back. Magnus knows that’s what all the others have done at one point or another after learning who he truly is.

What he didn’t expect was for Alec to cradle his face and tell him there’s nothing ugly about who he is, then wrap his arms around him.

He shakes as Alec tightens his arms around him, warmth seeping through the embrace from this beautiful man who sees no evil in him, who sees only good and tries to ease his centuries old guilt.

“How can you say that? After knowing what I’ve done?” He asks, voice slightly muffled from where he's pressing his face into Alec's shoulder. Magnus doesn’t see a life where he isn’t a monster. Where he isn’t more demon than human.

Alec pulls back so their faces are inches apart, just enough that he can place a hand on Magnus’ cheek. His lips tug up at the corners. “Because I have a whole lot of evidence that says you are anything but evil,” he says, thumb swiping at a stray tear. “Magnus, you are…” he sighs, like he doesn’t know how to phrase what he wants to say. “You’re one of the best people I know. The way you’ve been so patient with me, especially when I didn’t deserve it. The way you were willing to help my sister and accepted nothing in return,” he says, thumb stroking Magnus’ cheek.

Magnus huffs out a watery laugh. “Technically, I got you.”

Alec smiles one of those soft, syrupy sweet smiles. “You did. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He moves his hand from Magnus’ cheek to the nape of neck, slowly carding his fingers through the hair there. “My point is that the way you live and the way you love are proof of the fact that you are anything but a monster. I love you and I don’t care that you’re half demon, that means nothing in regards to who you are. You are extraordinary, and you’re a better person than almost everyone I know.”

Magnus leans in to press his forehead to Alec’s and exhales. Alec is a man of few words, but when he believes in something, he can really take Magnus’ breath away.  “ _Almost_ everyone you know?”

Alec laughs, a sound that Magnus has stored away in his memory for safe-keeping by now. “You and Izzy are on about the same level.” He closes the distance between them and kisses Magnus, lips warm and calming, centering Magnus once again and alleviating the tension he’s been carrying in his shoulders for the past week or so.

He pulls away and brings his hands to either sides of Magnus’ face, brushing away the remaining wetness on his cheeks with his thumbs. “Our mistakes don’t define us. If they did, I probably wouldn’t be able to get out of bed every morning.”

“Well, it’s certainly easier for me when you’re right next to me,” Magnus says, a reserved smile on his face. For all the trouble and heartache they’ve had to go through to get to where they are now, he thinks he’d do it all over again if it meant he got to have this. This soft, easy love with Alec. One with support and understanding - things that many of his past relationships had been lacking. He wouldn’t trade this love with Alec for any of them. “I love you.”

Alec smiles at that, like he’s still surprised every time Magnus says it. “I love you, too.” He kisses Magnus once more before standing up and offering him his hand. “I’m exhausted. Let’s go send Valentine’s ass to Alicante, then come back here and go to bed, yeah?”

Magnus takes his hand and stands, intertwining their fingers together. “Yeah,” he rubs his thumb over the back of Alec’s hand. “I promise you won’t wake up to an empty bed this time.”

Alec grins as he leads the way out, and Magnus settles back into the ease that Alec provides.

 

**Author's Note:**

> you can follow me on tumblr [here](http://biisabelle.tumblr.com)! :)


End file.
